Spiral of Hatred

So, I feel myself spiraling into a bad pit of hatred and mistrust of other people. This is bad.
1. I'm feeling really left out of things I know I should not feel left out about.
2. No one commented on how cute my clothes looked today. I think they look cute.
3. I feel really isolated.
4. I feel like I've been a bad friend because I haven't talked to anyone except Ben and my parents for like a month and I don't think that people get that I have zero time now that I'm working and commuting.
5. I want a new job because I feel like I'm a bad teacher and can't motivate my students to do anything. While it's easy to say that they are lazy, I still feel like I have a great shortcoming which is stopping them from being sucessful.
6. My birthday is in a week and three days and I still don't know what I want to do to celebrate, or if I want to celebrate at all.
7. I want more time off.
8. I'm hungry.
9. No one is home and I'm lonely.
10. I feel like I have no friends anymore because I don't get to see anyone and the people I do see have other friends and I'm feel all alone and isolated and I want to move but when I move I'll be even further from people I know and it'll just be Ben and me and that'll be nice but it'll also be so isolating because we'll be in Northern Virginia and all the people I know in NVA are like old and have their own friends and I need more nerdy people close by.
Ugh. I think I'm going to go eat some ice cream and watch tv and maybe grade some papers.

End of November? Already?

So, it's like the end of November, almost. My birthday is like in less than two weeks and Christmas is only a month away. Scary. The scarier part is that the school year is not even close to being halfway done.
So, Thanksgiving. Pretty empty. My sister wasn't there, a couple cousins and kitchen relatives were missing, and one of my first cousins once removed and her baby daddy left before we ate to go birth her son. She left for the hospital around five in the evening and he wasn't born until 7:30 this morning. I don't want to birth children.
Karel spent Thanksgiving with Jason and his family. Apparently, not speaking Portuguese leads to a big communication gap for Karel. Also, I think it's funny that Karel, the girl who just wanted to whore around last year, is now in a super long distance (Troy to Houston) relationship with a 22/23 year old RPI graduate. And she went to spend Thanksgiving with his family in New Jersey. This means that I haven't seen my sister since the third week of August, and it hasn't really bothered me all that much. However, I haven't really had much free time to like wax my eyebrows, watch movies, shave my legs, or floss my teeth since the beginning of September, so
I'm not quite sure how accurate of a post-first-year-of-teaching sister relationship management predictor this fall has been.
I went shopping today with my mommy at Potomac Mills. At first, it was depressing. Everything at Nordstrom's Rack was hideous. I ended up purchasing a pair of Puma clogs to wear with khakis. Then, after striking out at about four more stores, I got a cute red/black/camel plaid skirt and interesting striped top at Casual Corner (they actually had something I wanted! ). Then I went to Old Navy. I love Old Navy. My mom was a little annoyed because I tried on about twenty different things. I ended up getting a corduroy skirt, jean skirt, two pairs of khakis, black pants, camel turtleneck sweater (to go with red/black/camel plaid skirt), fuscha/plum jewel tone sweater, and I think that's about it. But now I feel all guilty because I ended up with lots of clothes (which are birthday presents from my parents) and I didn't get anything for anyone else. Bad Anna! I think I'm going to Khols with my mom after Jeopardy to buy things for other people. However, it's hard to buy for other people (especially since the majority of my Christmas list is my family and Ben) when they haven't told me what they want. Karel and I are thinking about going in together to get nice presents for our parents (I think Karel really wants to do this so she doesn't have to shop or think about shopping). I'm thinking we get them a nice desk chair for the computer and get mom a nice sewing chair. Or getting mom a paraffin hand and foot bath thingy. We need to get together on that.
Karel, do you even read my blog you lazy bitch? What do you want for Christmas? I'm thinking of some DVDs of the Disney variety. But now that you have a boyfriend, I don't know what he's getting you. He might want to encourage the child in you because he's a dirty pedophile. Just like Fuzzy.

Flat tire

So, last week was pretty long. I was at school or a school related function until at least five all last week. Monday I had an English department meeting until three-thirty and then had to work on things until five. Tuesday I had extended day and stayed after with kids until 4:30 and then graded papers with Ashley (civics) until six-thirty. On Wednesday the team went out to dinner and I was there until seven. Then on Thursday I had Great beginnings until six and then went out to dinner. I left the restaurant at 7:15, but didn't get home until nine because of a flat tire. I hit something metal in the road that made a big slash in my tire. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go home and watch The OC (and I'm a little pissed that they shortened the intro). Yesterday I stayed until 4:15ish and then had to deal with nasty traffic. Ben didn't get home until 7:15 and he decided that I was probably going to fall asleep soon so we didn't get to see each other. He wasn't too far off. I went to bed at 7:30 and watched "Moll Flanders" that I bought at Walmart on Thursday for $5. It was not true to the book.
Hopefully Ben will charge up his Gameboy Advance and take me to go see the new Bridget Jones movie this weekend. That would be fantastic. Also, I hope to get a lot of apartment research done this weekend so that I can move into Northern Virginia to help bring up the democratic numbers in the state. Interestingly, the area we would move to (Fairfax) is one of the few democratic counties in Virginia.
Now it's time for a shower to wash off the face mask I just did. It's not only nine this morning and I've already watched a movie (I finished the last hour and a half of "Moll Flanders"), waxed my eyebrows, did a face mask, and written a blog entry. Before nine I think I'll have also showered and shaved my legs. This is such an accomplishment since I haven't done many of these things for weeks. It's sad when you have so little time at home that you begrudge the time you spend in the shower and don't shave your legs.

Oh a different depressing note...

The girl kittens are going to their home tomorrow. Tycho is going to his on Friday. Soon I will be kittenless. This makes me want to cry. I love my kittens!

On my away messaged titled "Oh No!"

One way ticket to Sweden: $1464
Four years rent at rustic Swedish cottage: $38,272
Car rental (per week): $250
Swedish language tapes: $95
Warmer clothes for colder winter climate: $500
Not living in the US for four more years of Bush and a Republican majority: priceless

Kittens and other information

So, the kittens are possibly the most adorable things ever and Karel is a loser for never coming home to see them. I think that this is probably the last week that we'll have them (Tycho is going to his home on Friday and I think the girls might go to theirs then or sooner). Tycho tried to sleep with me last night. It was so cute. The kittens totally make me want to get rid of the fuddy-duddy old cats and keep the kittens in their places.
Today we had a baby shower for our 8-8 civics teacher. The team got together and bought her a car seat. I had to go pick it up since I was the only person who lived near a Babies R Us. Carseats come in big boxes. It was difficult getting it into the room. I hurt my elbow on the door and tore out a chunk of skin (that I didn't realize I had removed a large portion of my elbow epidermis only a couple of hours later when the missing skin had already scabbed over). The baby shower was fun, but it took a lot of time (like 4.5 hours out of my work day). Even thought I stayed until 6:00 pm, I still got very little done. That's not true, I just have so much stuff to do that it seems like I have made minimal progress. However, my grades are done and I just have to make up a unit test, organize a whole seven weeks worth of activities into a chronologically ordered binder, make new seating charts, clean out my student desks (and my desk), put number stickers on the desks and books, make lesson plans for next week, make sure all my students are set up to take the practice SOL on the computer, and clean out my closet. Damn. I need four more work days. Oh, and I need to grade a whole set of paragraphs, two prefix tests, and a vocab test for all of my classes; things I didn't do this weekend because I was celebrating Ben's birthday.
Ben's birthday was fun. On Friday we had dinner at his house and then people played poker (I went home to sleep around 9:30). On Saturday we had to go shopping for baby shower stuff in the morning (and we didn't' get started until noon because someone slept in late) and then went to a barbecue at his old house (which was really lame, by the way, but I did get to see Shansby and grade some expository paragraphs). On Sunday I had to go shopping for more baby shower stuff. Then I went to Ben's and didn't grade papers while watching the Redskins game. I thought it was Ben's birthday so I should cuddle with him instead of working. Then we went to The Melting Pot for dinner. Mmmm...but not as mmmm as it usually is. I think the combination of being a Sunday and a holiday left the restaurant with less competent staff and leftovers instead of tasty food. But it was good, and I had nice company, so I'm not going to complain too much.
I love Ben. He is great. I think we should elope now.
Ben asked me if we secretly eloped if I would be able to keep it a secret. I said no. Can you imagine me keeping that a secret? Hello! I can't even not tell someone what I got them for their birthday. I think it's because I'm bad and in constant need of approval for my good deeds.
Teaching is much less tiring when there are no kids there.
I get to vote in a presidential election and on a regular ballot for the first time tomorrow. Hurrah!